Radio Tragedy!

On December 15th, Howard Stern announced on the air that he would be the new host of NBC's Americas Got Talent.  Stern has long admitted to being a fan of this, as well as other, reality talent shows, and the show's hardcore following of daily listeners were probably not surprised by the seemingly surprising announcement.

Stern's reintroduction into the NBC community, to many, is the nail in the coffin of a once heroic icon of the media, and the ultimate betrayal of an underground leader.  It is certainly Stern's withdrawal from the fringe, and into the mainstream, and will be looked on disdainfully by his audience.  For three decades now, Stern has been "our" thing: a cult of responsible adults abandoning their maturity for 4 hours a day to laugh at dick and fart jokes.  In a world where the masses are pushed to be adults, the Stern show gave listeners the ability to be kids.  We waited with baited breath as a guest told a sex story, and gasped when a juicy revelation was told on the air.  Stern was not for everyone; it was not for most.  While most people looked at him as a pervert, racist, or asshole, we knew better.  We were not afraid to laugh.  Stern, with his new AGT venture,  is no longer "our" thing...but "their" thing.  He is now a watered-down, virgin cocktail of what he used to be....he has all the ingredients, except the kick that really matters.  He is no longer subversive, but ready to be honored by the masses, and a parody of the rebel he claims to be.

Stern's death of credibility was solidified with his contract with Americas Got Talent, but it was a slow and painful fate that his audience foresaw long ago.  Stern has gradually, as he put it, "evolved" into something else, and several precipitating events lead to his infamous December 15th announcement.  Each event is a small crack in the facade of a now broken legend.

Politically Correct Stern:
Howard Stern fans are not that different from the rest of America.  We, as well as Stern himself, know racism, sexism, and homophobia is wrong.  That being said, there is nothing inherently wrong with laughing at satire.  No subculture was safe from Stern's wrath.  He strived to point on the ignorance of humanity.  For every "Out of the Closet Stern" or "Black Jeopardy" bit making fun of their respective demographic, Daniel Carver (Grand Wizard of the KKK) was on the airwaves making white people look stupid.  For every porn star he had on the air taking her clothes off, he had a TRULY pathetic man trying to sleep with her, usually failing and mocked.

Stern has abandoned the cultural satire for refined, safer, critiques on pop culture.  He now discusses reality stars and talking heads who are open season for all on air opinions.  Stern's drifting from the taboo to the acceptable weakened his rebellious notoriety, and softened his image.  One of Stern's greatest traits is his ability, through his satire, to exhibit an exaggerated image of the world at large.  He can no longer achieve this with his increasingly vapid discussions.

The Sybian and Sirius:
When Howard Stern began his reign on Sirius Radio, there was a noticeable revitalization of Stern. For the first time in years,  he was excited to be on the air.  He had carte blanche over the airwaves, and his enthusiasm was contagious....it didn't last.  The paycheck, not contingent with ratings, quickly led to an apathy; and the ability to be no holds barred on the air paved the way for easy, bland, comedy.  When on terrestrial radio, his shock value was based on pushing the envelope of convention.  He can now says what he wants, and it takes away from the show.  He no longer has to find a clever way to be x-rated....he can just be x-rated.  If one of his diatribes isn't funny, he will throw in a shelling of "fucks" to make it more extreme.  If an interview is floundering, he will ask about "anal." Clever, I know.

If his team of writers cannot think of something funny, or the guests simply aren't available, Howard always has his ace-in-the-hole: The Sybian.  The Sybian is a sex toy, where a woman rides this object to climax.  Countless times on The Stern Show, beginning from the early 80s, a woman has achieved orgasm on the air; this is no longer funny or edgy for Stern, but a cop out.  It is an unintelligent failsafe for when decent comedy writing is at a loss, and the ride, and the post interview is an easy way to eat time between commercials without the effort of creativity.  (Note* When Stern brought Dave Lampert, the now ancient Inventor of the Sybian, into the studio, it WAS radio gold.)


Who to Fill "The Chair?"
2010 ushered in a new era for The Howard Stern Show.  After nearly a decade, Artie Lange left the show to stabilize his life.  This left the show without a fifth member, and a void Stern now has no intention of filling.  Between the departure Jackie Martling and Lange, the show has been left without an anchor: someone to offer checks and balances between cast members, namely Howard and Robin.  Stern and Quivers have been partaking in increasingly self indulgent, and downright bizarre, behavior.  Quivers travels the world on trendy philanthropic endeavors lacking true altruism or substance, and Stern has become increasingly pompous and detached; unrelatable to his audience.  These behaviors are tee-offs for Martling, who NEVER had reluctance to call the mighty into question.  Lange, while not as open to criticize as his predecessor, created common ground between the listeners and the show.  Unlike Stern, Lange had no interest in "Dancing with the Stars" or Hamptons soirees.  The absence of this dynamic takes commonality that made the show successful.    

The New Cast:
There is definitely some high points of the new ensemble.  Many of the new cast have truly funny moments.  The issue lies in Howard Stern's  reliance on these characters and their one-trick schtick.  Instead of creating funny bits or provocative interviews (Yes, Stern used to do both,) Stern excessively calls into question one trait of each second tier member of the show.  Ronnie is an angry cocksman, Sal is a pervert who's marriage is falling apart, Richard is a dirty hillbilly, ETC.  At one time, pointing out these traits was hilarious, and made for great listening for the fans.  Stern, however, took it and ran with it.  Now, Stern makes up faux arguments to get the cast on the air, thereby taking pressure and creative responsibility off Stern himself.  The end result is are bland, obviously contrived, squabbles between staff members, where Stern serves as a mediator.  Being as how these cast members were once fans, and never part of the entertainment or comedy industry, they are equally uncreative, and amplify their trademark behaviors.

Stern is a very funny person...he has made a career out of his humor.  It is a shame that, in recent years, Stern has taken the attention off of him and his primary cast, and on these second tier workers surrounding him.    The peak moments of the show lie within the banter of five friends talking together.  Those organic discussions, and resulting arguments and resolutions, are what made the show incredible.  The show has always had fans as part of the show, with regular callers, wackpackers, ETC, but they were used sparingly. The implementation of this ensemble cast puts the emphasis away from the talent, and expected primary focus, of The Howard Stern Show.

Hampton's Howie and the Amaaazing Beth O:
Shortly after his divorce from Allison, Howard told his audience that the marriage ended because he was becoming "too much like his character on the radio."  Many fans suspect infidelity, an accusation that has never been confirmed absolutely.  The real issue, however, was not that he became the cocksman he portrayed on the radio, but the angry curmudgeon, surlily watching television in his basement, then voicing his sexless misery to millions of listeners.  Too much of his world was divulged onto the radio, and the water became muddied as to where the Stern show ended and Howard Stern, husband and father, began. Since the inception of his newest relationship, he has clearly made a conscious attempt to leave many details of the two privy to only the parties involved.  This practice may be wise for Stern, as radio success is not worth, especially at this point in his career, personal unhappiness.  However, if this portion of his life is off limits, then Stern should leave it as such.  He needs to abandon the praise that is becoming more and more omnipresent on the air.  If she is immune to to fodder, then she should be immune to adulation.  Advertising her books and causes (the exact same thing he made fun of Imus for) is jading the fans, and the irrepressible praise, and more importantly, her exemption from critique, is perverting the nature of the show.   Many listeners consider her a gold-digger because of her CONSTANT presence on Page 6.  This notion is only exacerbated by Howard plugging her book and charities, and glorifying her existence throughout the show on a daily basis.  The dynamics of Howard and Beth's relationship is of no business to the audience, so it is his responsibility to leave her off the airwaves.

Sirius Radio OFFERED Howard Stern an obscene figure to switch to satellite radio , and he would be stupid not to take it.  For much of his professional career, Stern has been well off financially.  The amount of money Stern earns, or the amount of chimneys in his Hamptons abode, has no bearing on the quality of the show.  His reaction, sadly, does.  In his finest days, Stern's greatest strength is his ability to separate from, and highlight, the bullshit of the culturally successful.  He hated phoniness, and his most notable feuds stemmed from his cognizance and broadcasting of it.  Those feuds are now buried with the edge of the show.  He now schmoozes and placates Rosie and Chevy, hanging out with them at Billy Joel's private concerts.  Ostensibly there is nothing wrong with famous friends, but being best friends with a recently sworn enemy is either artificial or juvenile: neither is admirable. Outside of his now overplayed vendetta with Jay Leno, he is completely benign to all levels of the Hollywood world, from A-List to Tila Tequila.  He is obviously afraid of creating potential enemies, both for him and Beth, as highlighted by his new found praise of Tyra Banks' talent.  Where Stern was bitter, and celebrated, for being ostracized from the cool, he is now as hip (phony baloney) as all those he once cranked called and sabotaged.

Stern has evolved, and perhaps his audience (myself included) is wrong to fault him for it.  We have come to expect more out of him, though, and Americas Got Talent is not what we were looking towards.  If anything, fans crave a retreat into the depths of himself, and the brutal honesty he would spew on the air.  His introduction in the most mainstream of cultures is the exposure of a truth we have long been fearing, but subliminally aware of...that Howard Stern is not the comedian we thought he was.